Time flies, and when it does, you look back and think: Why didn't I treasure time.

I made time flew like a whizz. I busied myself with things I love doing, people who made me happy.
In the end, I'm still not happy.

Life is more than just being born, living a life and then dying.
I found a purpose, why did I let it go. I ask myself again and again.

I guess I just really don't want my scars to be pried open again and again. It hurts so much.
Till now, it still does.

I don't need you to blame me, nope I don't. Because I'm already doing that on my own accord now, thank you very much.
I don't need you to tell me to forget about the past. Because I tried, and yet I'm reminded of it every single day. Every single minute will be exaggerating, but every half hour is not.

I miss church so much, I miss God being with me so much. So much so much. I'm just using other things to cover up that loss. They will never be enough. I'll never be the same.
Dear God,
Tell me what to do? Please?
I just want to heal. Be happy. Basically be just like how I used to be.

I miss playing the guitar. I missed it so much.
I miss playing the drums. I imagined playing it and it feels like real and it really warms my heart, like literally.

Most of all, I miss the times when You held my hand and walked with me. It was perfect, so perfect.
I've lost someone before, it hurts. Now it feels the same, and worst. Because now, if I don't find you back, I can't have you back. Yet I'm scared. I've nowhere to go, nowhere else to go...

Give me a miracle please.